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It is Okay

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When our children misbehave or have a bad day, as parents we often think it is somehow our fault.  You ask yourself if you are strict enough.  You feel embarrassed and inadequate around other people who see your child misbehaving.  It is a gut wrenching worry that makes you feel like you are a failure.

The fact is…there are days when your child is not at his or her best.  Murphy’s Law says that it will inevitably happen at the hockey game, grandma’s house, or the grocery store.  People will see, offer advice, or look down their noses.  But, those people, (whose child has had bad days, too) are really not important.  What is more important is that you have handled the bad behavior with a consequence that fits the crime.  That you have consistently expressed that the behavior is not acceptable, and then, let the incident go.

What we forget as parents is that kids are not born with the innate ability to distinguish between right and wrong.  It is our job to teach our children to behave.  And, as long as we are doing just that, then there doesn’t need to be embarrassment, self-loathing, or belittling of our parenting skills.  You are not a bad parent if your child misbehaves.  Bad parents are those who do nothing, or worse, defend their child when he or she behaves badly.

Finally, the rule is…if you are parenting, then you cannot be a bad parent.  Peace…

Copyright © Jamie Nowinski and Grandmother Wisdom/ Grandmother Musings 2012-2013.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jamie Nowinski – Grandmother Wisdom/Grandmother Musings with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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Parenting Everyday

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Consistency, consistency, consistency!  You ground them, you yell, you show your displeasure, but it still does not seem as if your discipline measures are working.  What should you do?

Many parents, teachers, and specialists have spent many hours worrying and debating over subject of discipline.  The answer, however, is simply consistency.  No matter what your discipline style may be, if you consistently administer it, you will see results.

The biggest mistake that anyone who lives or works with children can make is not being consistent.  Kids are very intelligent, and they know, no matter the age, how to play the system.  Therefore, if your system is inconsistent, then the behavior will be inconsistent, too.

How does one become consistent?  Easy, every time your child breaks a rule, written or unwritten, you consistently give a consequence.  You may wish to think about what consequences are appropriate for each rule that is broken and the age of the child.  For instance, if your child comes home late from visiting a friend, then the child should have an appropriate consequence.  Maybe the child has less time next time he or she wishes to go to a friend’s house.  On the other hand, if a child does not complete his or her homework, possibly less TV or gaming time should be taken away.  The point here is that it really does not matter what consequence is chosen.  What matters is that you give one for every infraction.  Eventually, one will not be needed.  Your child will know what is expected and do it.

Now, this is not so simple.  Often it requires a great effort to have a whiny, grounded child sitting in your living room with the TV off. However, if you can persevere, your angst will be short-lived.  Your child will take your rules seriously and try to abide by them.

That is not to say, that your child will never misbehave or break a rule.  Undoubtedly, it will happen.  However, if you have been consistent with your discipline, your child will move quickly to the correct road.  The simple fact is that it is the parent’s job to keep their children traveling as straight down the road of life as possible.  If the child veers off the road, the parent’s responsibility is to put them back on the road, consistently. Eventually, the child grows into adulthood able to make good decisions and choices.  The whole reason for parenting in the first place.

Copyright © Jamie Nowinski and Grandmother Wisdom/ Grandmother Musings 2012-2013.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jamie Nowinski – Grandmother Wisdom/Grandmother Musings with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
 
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