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It is Okay

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When our children misbehave or have a bad day, as parents we often think it is somehow our fault.  You ask yourself if you are strict enough.  You feel embarrassed and inadequate around other people who see your child misbehaving.  It is a gut wrenching worry that makes you feel like you are a failure.

The fact is…there are days when your child is not at his or her best.  Murphy’s Law says that it will inevitably happen at the hockey game, grandma’s house, or the grocery store.  People will see, offer advice, or look down their noses.  But, those people, (whose child has had bad days, too) are really not important.  What is more important is that you have handled the bad behavior with a consequence that fits the crime.  That you have consistently expressed that the behavior is not acceptable, and then, let the incident go.

What we forget as parents is that kids are not born with the innate ability to distinguish between right and wrong.  It is our job to teach our children to behave.  And, as long as we are doing just that, then there doesn’t need to be embarrassment, self-loathing, or belittling of our parenting skills.  You are not a bad parent if your child misbehaves.  Bad parents are those who do nothing, or worse, defend their child when he or she behaves badly.

Finally, the rule is…if you are parenting, then you cannot be a bad parent.  Peace…

Copyright © Jamie Nowinski and Grandmother Wisdom/ Grandmother Musings 2012-2013.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jamie Nowinski – Grandmother Wisdom/Grandmother Musings with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About bigsmileu1

What good is living life if you don't share all the experiences, mistakes, and knowledge you have gained? I am a grandmother, a wife, a mother of two grown children, a Jr. High Teacher for almost two decades, an elementary principal and I want to share my experiences.

3 responses »

  1. Today, my niece was watching Spiderman cartoon show on Netflix on the computer while I cooked. As soon as the food was ready I went and paused the show and she understood that I was going to let her get back to it once she was done with her food. She barely touched it and I once again told her that the only way she would go back to watching it was if she would eat her food. Now I understand, this sounds sort of like a reward for eating and it shouldn’t really be used but I needed her to eat her food. She didn’t touch it and cried and cried. My dad then went on to use the computer and she cried some more and still refused to eat her food. My dad asked her if she wanted soda. I told my dad that was like a reward for her and that she shouldn’t be rewarded for behaving like that. After some more crying from my niece, my dad went on to the room and she followed him asking if he could put Spiderman on for her and he told her to ask me. This is the problem I have with the “grandparent” attitude. He obviously didn’t want to see her crying, and neither did I, but he should not have told her to come ask me because my response was going to be the same.

    Now did I feel bad, of course. However, I was aware that she was trying to get things done her way and that the reason she was crying non stop was because she refused to eat her lunch.

    • Thanks for commenting. I agree with you. Grandparents need to support you if your discipline is going to work. If your niece knows that grandpa is going to let her get away with not eating, then, of course, she will go to him. Is it possible for you to talk it over with grandpa, and ask him to support you on problems like this?
      I applaud you for sticking to your rules of no TV until lunch is eaten. Once your niece hears this a few times, and knows that you are not going to cave in to her demands, you will see that she will do what you ask.

      • He understands and he says he just tries to find different ways. He will never contradict what I say though, which is good.

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